erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
