I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dude. I can hear the air.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize