we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
