remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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