Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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