All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
