Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
