I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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