I'm lost and stupid without you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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