we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My vagina is officially offended.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
