Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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