I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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