Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
