OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
