You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
