she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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