We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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