Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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