"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize