I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
