He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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