and she was petting her beer can
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
