I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
