my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
