lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
