you told grandpa to call you daddy
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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