Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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