You can't special order awesome
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The air was thick with penises
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
