I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
