my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
