? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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