Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
