where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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