Dual....:-)
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she told me i tasted like america
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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