FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
