Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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