she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
