I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
