Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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