I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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