Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
