I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
