My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
