okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
