he puts the penis in happiness.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
