Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
