you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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