yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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