I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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