so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
