Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
