My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nutella sex= disaster
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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