just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's always time for handjobs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
