I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
