I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
