I wish my penis had an off switch
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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