So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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