I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
