Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize