Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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