If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
where am i from again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
