Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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