My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's shark week go big or go home
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize