well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
