you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
