At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
