My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
