i just had sex bonerless
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
