Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
