The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
