hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
