just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize