sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
