We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
