I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
