I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
