Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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