I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
