hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
