Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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