Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
