I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can text with my tongue
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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