Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize