I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
