didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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