So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
