I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
