I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
