He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
