I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
