I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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