he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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