Why does Corona taste like a burp?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
