I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
