Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
accomplished twins. life is a go
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
