I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I supernannyed him into submission
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
