Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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