Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize