I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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