Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
