So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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