I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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