I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
