Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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