So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
