Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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