i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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