if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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