I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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