Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
