That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
